Pinky and The Brain
This story is autonomous from any other Ranger stories we've written and occurs in the normal Ranger episode format--well, as much as Pinky and The Brain showing up in the Rangerverse could be normal.
“So whatta ya wanna do tonight, Brain? Narf!” Pinky said. The ACME Labs building was closed for the night, and the two lab mice were out on one of the lab tables. Brain sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the table, pondering as usual. Suddenly, he turned to his slow-witted companion, a look of utter satisfaction on his face. “I have a plan to take over the world, my pontificating partner...”
Pinky was instantly glad, for “Friends” had gone into reruns again. “Okay, Brain. Fun, fun, silly willy!” Brain ignored his friend’s usual asides and turned on a television sitting on the lab table. As convenience would have it, the Rescue Rangers were on. “As you know, everyone in the world is a closet fan of that other channel’s show, ‘The Rescue Rangers’. According to my research, 99.93 percent of the fans expected that if the show had run its course, Gadget and Chip would have married.”
Pinky was surprised. “Really, Brain? I always thought Dale would marry Gadget. Or you, maybe. Just imagine how smart your kids would be if you married Gadget! Bang, zoom!”
“Uh, right. I’ll spare you my comments on that. Therefore, we are going to write a story where Chip’s rival Dale wins Gadget’s heart. The populace will be in such shock and uproar that they will be helpless to resist my coup d’etat and I will rise to power overnight!” Brain said, grinning at the wonderful subtlety of his ploy.
Pinky meanwhile was lost in the land of speculation—or perhaps he was just lost in general. “We’re going to put them in a chicken coop?” Brain rolled his eyes. “Pinky, I hate to break this to you, but Gadget and the Rescue Rangers are just cartoons. They aren’t real.”
Pinky just stared, stupefied—okay, he’s mostly that way anyhow. “They’re...they’re...not...not real?”
“Your sheer stupidity amazes me, Pinky.” Brain led Pinky over to the television, and pointed to the Rangers. “You see, they’re just animated characters drawn on celluloid. They have no life like us—well, at least like one of us.” Pinky produced a rodent-sized writing tablet seemingly from nowhere. “Then I should probably cancel the plans for the wedding reception—but I’ll lose the deposit if I do that! Brain, can’t you invent something to make them real?”
Brain gave his companion a patronizing look, even though Pinky now knew what a patronizing look was thanks to his quickie education. “Pinky, what are you talking about? There’s no such thing as the Rescue Rangers!” As he said this, Brain hit a button on a nearby device—one of Brain’s leftover inventions from a failed experiment. The machine blew up, sending terrific amounts of energy into the room. Pinky and the Brain were surrounded by power and then disappeared.
Brain awoke to find himself surrounded by what seemed familiar surroundings. He looked up, and a blonde female mouse looked down at him, puzzled. Brain’s brain told him it must still be the television, so he looked over at Pinky. “Where...what, what happened?”
Gadget and Dale were standing there in Ranger Headquarters, amazed. “It’s Pinky and the Brain!” Gadget said. Dale was bubbling with happiness. “Gadget, whatever this invention of yours is, it’s the greatest thing you’ve ever made!” Brain looked over at them, and Gadget and Dale looked back. “No, I must be hallucinating. That’s it. Pinky’s mindless drivel must be affecting my thought patterns.”
Dale helped Brain up. “Wow, your head is huge! I’m surprised you don’t have trouble walking with all that weight.” Brain turned and faced Gadget. “Pinch me, so that I may return to my senses and pummel my partner for this untimely interruption.” Gadget was totally amazed. “Golly…again. How can you guys be here? You’re both cartoon characters!”
Pinky realized Gadget wasn’t going to help so he pinched Brain instead. Brain flinched in pain. “Ow! Okay, it would appear that the explosion in the lab created some sort of dimensional tear in the multiversal constant and allowed us to be transported to a world where the Rescue Rangers are real, or so it would appear.”
Realizing one of his greatest wishes had been granted, Pinky ran over to Gadget. “So, Gadget, are you gonna marry Chip or Dale? Or Brain?” Gadget blinked in confusion. “Huh? How do you know about us? You’re not aliens disguising yourselves, are you?”
“You guys are my favorite cartoon show!” Pinky said, fan-worship mode in full swing. “I’ve seen all your episodes. My favorite is when you dressed up in that red dress and kissed Dale!”
Dale was similarly affected when it came to Brain and Pinky. “An’ you guys are my favorite cartoon! Pinky, say that funny thing you do!” Pinky looked at Dale. “What’s that, Dale? Narf, poit!”
“That’s it!” Dale rolled on the floor, laughing. Gadget meanwhile returned her attention to Brain. “And could you say your catchphrase, Mr. Brain?” Brain was already considering the ramifications of this discovery. Apparently on this world, he and Pinky were cartoons with the same popularity that the Rangers enjoyed on his. If that were the case...
“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Brain asked. Gadget rubbed her chin. “Well, the odds of our thinking the exact same thought is impossible, well, improbable, anyway.” Brain stood there, and began to have a passing interest in the girl. “If you don’t mind my asking, what is your intelligence quotient?”
“I have a mindbashingly high IQ. They tried to test it once, but their test wasn’t advanced enough to measure it.”
“Yes, a problem I’m well familiar with,” Brain said. “Have you solved all thirteen of the Mensa master problems?” Gadget grinned. “I did those when I was in diapers.” Brain was impressed. “Strange. Our life experiences seem to have paralleled to an extent. Could you construct a hyperdimensional nonrandom portal with a sensor capable of detecting the reality that Pinky and I came from?”
Gadget’s grin grew to a smile. “Sure! I’ve been building that while we’ve been talking.” Brain was totally taken aback. “At last—someone with my level of intelligence! I did not think that anyone could match my cerebral abilities! You don’t perchance have a schematic of the quantum algebraic theory for analyzing space-time, do you?”
“Sure, I always keep one on me, just in case.”
Brain was truly impressed, and found himself strangely drawn to this mouse. “I never met a girl that liked quantum algebraic theory before...” Gadget giggled and blushed. “Golly, thanks Mr. Brain! That’s quite a compliment from you.”
Dale meanwhile had pulled Pinky aside. “So Pinky, looks like you and Brain have the same relationship that Chip and I do. Are you really a complete idiot or is there a deeper and intelligent Pinky under that silly exterior?”
Dale decided to try again. “Are you exactly as you appear on TV or is there more to you than this?” Pinky began looking around and noticed some of Dale’s comic books. “Zort! Comic books! I love comic books!” Pinky ran over and began flipping though the pages. “Oh, look! Kablammo man! Boom, boom! Narf!”
“Well, I guess that answers that question.”
Brain was totally amazed with Gadget. She actually considered his remark a compliment! “I uh, I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you’d ever consider a different mode of employment...but if you ever did I know that I’d be glad to take over the world with you any day.”
Chip meanwhile had returned from the daily patrol, and sensing a possible competitor for Gadget’s attentions in the vicinity he strode in quickly. He’d been listening at the door and now joined in the conversation. “So Brain, what would you do with the world if you did take it over?” Pinky had already managed to find the kitchen and poked his head out of the door, waving. “Hey Dale, why are nutcrackers not made of nuts? And graham crackers should be made of grahams. Narf! That would be right messy wouldn’t it?”
Brain knew it was going to be a long day. “Ignore my partner’s subtle charm, Chip. I wish to take over the world for its betterment. With a mouse of my inestimable intelligence leading the way, everything would be better!” Chip knew the time had come for a question he’d wanted to ask for a long time—or at least since the time Dale dragged him to the sofa and forced him to watch a Pinky and the Brain marathon with him. “Oh, I was just wondering—if you’re so smart, why have you failed so miserably every single time you’ve tried to take over the world?”
“Intelligence is always unappreciated by the lower masses. They seem to prefer common twaddle to placate their mental pleasure. Just ask him...” Brain said, thumbing in Pinky’s direction as the dull-witted mouse returned from the kitchen with a thimbleful of Coo-Coo Cola. Pinky struck a pose. “And tonight, stupid human tricks! Poit!”
Chip crossed his arms. “So, since you’re unable to accept responsibility for your mistakes you blame Pinky. You make me sick, you uptight, eletist snob.” Pinky pointed at Brain. “Yeah! You tight snobby wobby!”
Gadget was the calm in the storm as usual. “Now Chip, be nice to our guests. I know how sensitive you are about things like that.” Brain couldn’t understand their reaction. “But all I want is for everyone to have a better world! I can’t help it if Pinky’s intelligence is abysmally below my own! Why does everyone resist me?”
Chip’s sarcasm came through in his reaction. “ ‘Intelligence is always unappreciated by the lower masses. They seem to prefer common twaddle to placate their mental pleasure. Just ask him...’ You said it yourself, everyone is lower in intelligence than you and you despise those with lower intelligence. You’d be a terrible leader.”
“What do you want?” Brain retorted in protest. “A leader who has the amassed knowledge of mankind at his fingertips, or one that thinks that toenail clippings are one of the four food groups?”
“Neither of you are fit to lead,” Chip said, crossing his arms. Brain closed the distance between them. “Well, then! Enlighten me, and tell me who is fit to lead.” Chip ignored Brain’s attempted to bait him. “You claim to have knowledge of mankind and yet you know so little about others.”
“I know everything that’s knowable. Test me.”
Chip nodded. “A test of your objectivity. Why are you not fit to rule the world?” Brain gave him a smug smile. “Objectively? But you should know that by the very laws of philosophy that one cannot be truly objective when discussing anything that concerns him. One is part of the equation one considers.”
“That’s why it’s a test.”
Brain cleared his throat. “Very well, then. As objectivity as possible, I will say that if I have any shortcomings it is in application versus ideal. For my ideal is a world where humans worship me above all others, and give me the laudations that are only my due! I have failed in my attempts, but the desired end is still correct.”
Chip shook his head. “Why should they worship you? Is an intellect that time’s shown to be ineffective really worthy to be respected or even worshiped? Perhaps it’s that kind of thinking that’s made the world the place it is. People like you, with egos to burn, some smarts and no ability to accomplish your goals. You turn bitter and blame the world for your own failures because you’re too proud to believe that the rest of the world beat you.”
“Your rhetorical skills are accomplished, but that changes nothing,” Brain said. “I am the most intelligent being there is, so I should be the one that is hailed! I may have a character flaw here or there, but no one can surpass me in raw intellect!” Chip came nose to nose with him “Intellect’s worthless if it’s not accompanied with equal or greater wisdom. You have none, for you’ve never learned from your mistakes.”
Brain snorted and took a step back. “Obviously, your opinions are jaded by outmoded modernist thinking. Wisdom is the result of experience, and I have the accumulated wisdom of a hundred thousand minds up here.” Brain tapped his brain in emphasis. “I defy you to prove that I have learned nothing.”
“You’re still just a mouse with delusions of grandeur rather than ruler of the world. I rest my case.”
“It’s just a matter of time. Random factors have conspired together to work against me. The humans are entirely unpredictable in their reactions. But I will hit upon the formula to make my rise to power take hold! No one can stand up to my intellect.”
Chip was tiring of all this. “Well, I suppose that people like you not having wisdom enough to win is destiny’s way of keeping you from ultimately reaching your unrealistic goals.” Brain knew he’d been challenged. “Very well. Since you demand proof of my abilities, I will have to show you that I can succeed. I am going to take over this world!”
Brain pulled Pinky away from the comic books. “Come, Pinky. We have much planning to do!” Pinky whined, “But now I’ll never know if Gopher Boy won!” Dale realized that having an actual Brain in his world probably wasn’t all that good a thing, so he joined in with Chip on this one. “You’ll fail, so just accept that now. We’re the Rescue Rangers, and we’d have to stop you and since this is our world, we’ll always win!”
Brain opened the door, and looked back ominously. “You don’t stand a chance.” Brain left, pulling the reluctant Pinky behind. Dale walked over and slammed the door. “What a yutz. And to think I’ve collected his merchandise over the years! Guess I’ll have a yard sale this weekend!”
Chip watched Brain leave through a window. “Well, I tried to warn him, but those stuck up academic types never listen to reason. Now we’re going to have to show him he can’t win here either.”
Brain left Ranger Headquarters in a cloud of emotion. On the one hand, some of what the Rangers said had made sense. He’d failed time after time—probabilities wouldn’t explain that record. Still, it didn’t stand to reason that someone of his staggering intellect should fail like that. Brain walked into the city and down a sidewalk, Pinky at his side.
“I have to succeed this time, Pinky! My reputation as a genius is on the line!” Brain said. Pinky looked at Brain curiously. “What line is that, Brain?” Brain was about to bop him, but held back. “Forget I said it. But we need a way—a fullproof way—to take over the world!”
“Forget what, Brain?”
Brain was about to go ahead and bop him anyway, when suddenly he stopped. “Forget! That’s it! That’s it!” Brain ran up and down the street in a Eureka moment and then returned to Pinky. “Pinky, that’s brilliant!”
“Thanks, Brain. What’s brilliant?”
“We’ll create a ray that suppresses all the humans’ long-term memories! Then all I have to do is get on television, pretending to have been their leader for years. They won’t be the wiser, and I’ll be leader of the world without firing a shot!”
Pinky considered it a moment. “Well, okay Brain.” Brain looked at him suspiciously. “What? No ‘wait, wait,’ this time?” Pinky shook his head. “No, this is a great idea, Brain! I’m sure it’s going to work.”
“Why does that suddenly give me second thoughts…” Brain muttered. “Well, we must persevere anyhow. First, we must locate a means to send the neuro-supressive signal. A television station should do, which would also afford us a medium to transmit our ‘take over the world’ broadcast from. Not to mention cash in on the subsidiary infomercials.”
Pinky was instantly enthusiastic. “Ha, ha! Do I get to use the flame thrower on the car hood, Brain? Hey maybe we can make a television series that everyone wants to watch. ‘Who wants to see Brain take over the World?’.” Brain considered it a moment before dropping the idea. “I think Regis Philbin is quickly becoming a vast wasteland of his own. But no matter. I see the tower, Pinky! Soon we will rule the airwaves and the world!”
Back at Ranger Headquarters, the Rangers were discussing what their next move should be. Chip was planning, as always. “I say we just wait until he tries something! If he’s failed every time he’s attempted to take over, then it’s only reasonable that he’ll goof up again.”
“Chip’s right,” Dale said. “But we have to do something.” Gadget looked worried. “Golly, it’s all my fault. I brought them here when that dimensional portal of mine overloaded. Maybe I should complete the portal to send them back before someone gets hurt. There’s no telling what he might try! After all, we’re talking about the mouse that turned a entire studio audience into a group of giant, Swiss, lederhosen-clad dancers!”
“And don’t forget the time he created a giant electromagnet to pull the moon from its orbit!” Dale added. Monty had been out checking his cheese traps with Zipper along, but now they were in the conversation as well. “Crikey! The bloke sounds more like a looney than a genius!”
“We gotta stop him!” Zipper said, glad he’d been given a voice. Dale thought and shuddered. “Well, it shouldn’t take long. An episode’s usually only 22 minutes. So, we should see something around the next ten minutes!”
“Dale, this isn’t a cartoon!” Chip shouted. “This is real. There won’t be any commercial breaks in this adventure! Now listen. Gadget and Dale—you two have watched a lot of Pinky and the Brain. What would you say would be his most likely plan of action?”
“Find the way to affect the largest group of people in the shortest amount of time,” Dale said. Gadget nodded her agreement. “Maybe with television. He really seems to like that. And taking into account that 93.78 percent of his plans have involved the use of technology of some kind, he would be likely to follow that path again despite its massive failure rate.”
Monty scratched his head. “But where would he find the kind o’ technology ta effect the whole world? I mean, television’s made the world smaller, what with satellite dishes and all, but still...”
Gadget thought it over. “Well, he could just make what he needs.” Dale snapped his fingers. “Yeah! Don’t forget about his human-sized exoskeleton!” Chip could see this was going to be case he could sink his teeth into. “All right. If we’re going to track him down, we still need an idea of where to start looking. But if he needs technology, then he’d likely be in the city somewhere. Let’s go have a look-see!”
“True, we must be wary...or is that weary?” Gadget said. Chip pulled his fedora a notch lower. “I think we’ll all be weary by the end of this.”
The Rangers headed out in the RangerWing, unaware that Gadget’s initial thoughts were more correct than she could have known. In the now-dark and silent television station, the Brain was hard at work in a secluded back room. The parts of two computers and an old camera were strewn about the floor as Pinky held a flashlight to help Brain see where to solder the connections for his new device.
Brain grinned, his eyes covered by protective glasses. “Soon, Pinky. Soon, the world will bow only to me!” Pinky was innocently intrigued as usual. “That sounds good, Brain. What kinda show are you gonna put on?”
“Howdy Doody, the reunion special…” Brain said, ticked.
Pinky began dancing around in delight. “Fun, fun! I love Howdy Doody! Can I get Clarabell’s autograph?”
“Remind me to banish you to the first empty country I find once I take command, Pinky. Now hold the flashlight steady while I give my gratutious explanation of my device...”
Pinky began looking into the light from the flashlight. “Okay, the light’s on...”
Brain stood up from his work. “This device is specifically tuned to the frequency that all humans’ brains use to recall memories placed on their chemical pathways. It will block that frequency with a jamming signal, instantly preventing anyone from remembering anything more than an hour’s time in the past. Once I have assumed command, I can lengthen the time so that they will only have memories of the Brain as their leader! As long as the device has power going to it, I will be able to rule the world indefinitely.”
“Egad, Brain!” Pinky exclaimed. “You’re brilliant! But what if we lose power?”
“The neural-suppressor’s effect will last for an hour even without the device’s stimulus. As long as we can re-establish our control by then, everything will be as the Southerners say, ‘hunky-dory’.”
“Oh. Okay, Brain,” Pinky said, noncommittally. Brain was big-headed in his smugness (yes, that was a pun). “I’ve thought ahead this time. The television station has a backup generator. We can employ that to keep our ‘fans’ out there entertained.” Brain put down the circuit board he was working on and picked up a smaller one, attaching a small lens to it.”
“But what if that fails too?” Pinky asked. Brain sighed. “Then we’ll go into show business. I’m sure Las Vegas is in need of good acts this time of year.” Pinky clapped in approval. “That would be wonderful, Brain! Can I be your wacky sidekick?”
“Somehow, I had you picked out for that enviable position, Pinky. Now, this is a smaller version of the main device. When the television employees get here in the morning, all you have to do is point the lens at them and turn the switch on. I’ll handle the rest.”
Pinky had just returned to the land of confusion. “I point the lens at them and let you switch the handle on?” Brain fired a mean stare at him from the nearby land of impatience. “No, Pinky! Just point the lens at them and turn this switch here.” Brain showed it to him. “There is one small problem to consider, however. This device only works on humans. Our newly-acquired adversaries the Rescue Rangers will surely try to stop us. But once we have control of the world, every human on Earth will be their enemy!”
Brain laughed as heartily as an off-beat genius mouse can. This was a contingency that Pinky naturally hadn’t considered. “But I like the Rescue Rangers...it’s one of my favorite shows! And I have a crush on Gadget...Dale’s my hero.”
“Sacrifices must be made for world domination, Pinky. And besides, I have to show her…uh, them that I’m more than capable of handling the world. Now, we will retire for the night, Pinky, and when we wake the dawn will announce the beginning of the Brain Dynasty!”
The Rangers searched all night, but found no sign of Pinky or the Brain. They returned home to Headquarters, tired but determined to locate their new adversary.
Chip slouched down on the sofa. “Switch on the television, Dale. We might as well catch the early news before breakfast.”
“Sure, Chip,” Dale said. “You can never get enough TV.” Dale switched on the television, to find Stan Blather giving the morning news run. “....stocks are up this morning in heavy trading, and the peace talks overseas continue. Now, we will hear from Emperor Brain, leader of the world....”
Dale gulped. “Uh, maybe we can stop looking, Chip.”
The image of Brain’s head filled the screen. “People of the world, this is your leader. Since you elected me to lead your planet’s affairs ten years ago, I have ruled with a fair, compassionate and wise hand. Now, I call upon you to give me what is only my just right—acclaim as ruler of the world! You will send me your tribute in gold and silver and precious items of all kinds. My assistant is showing the address at the bottom of the screen...”
Pinky held the card upside down. “Uh, we won’t be hiding out here, Rangers. So whatever you do, don’t look for us at this address.” Brain interrupted him. “Oh, and one more thing. Everyone is ordered to be on the lookout for a group of animals known as the Rescue Rangers. They are a group of two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly bent on destroying me. You are ordered to stop them at any cost! My assistant is showing a picture of them on the screen now from his trading card collection....”
Pinky reluctantly held up the picture, but he was very obviously holding his thumb over Gadget’s picture. Brain jumped from his platform and aimed the neuro-suppressor at the main camera, then he addressed the station employees. “You may now continue your pedantic attempts at entertainment, gentlemen. But this device is never to be touched or moved or I will have your heads. Understand?” Stan Blather saluted, perspiring. “Ye..yessir, Emperor!”
“That has such a nice ring to it,” Brain said, content. “Come, Pinky! We must prepare for the laudations that are doubtless already on their way to us.”
Dale was truly amazed at how dumb they’d been. “Well, he opened the door for us...” Back on the screen, Stan Blather began talking again. “And that was Emperor Brain. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming...”
Chip jumped up. “He’s got to be nuts to think that anyone would take that drivel seriously!” Monty agreed. “Oy! Sounded worse than the host of a B-grade movie marathon. Let’s go down there an’ teach him some manners!”
Gadget changed the channels and it appeared that Brian was being taken seriously around the world. “Golly, he is really smart.” Chip couldn’t figure this out. “What? But why would they take him serious? He’s only a mouse with an oversized head!”
“He must have built some hypnotic device that only works on humans,” Gadget deduced. Dale raised his hand. “Uh, I have a plan. He said to look out for two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly. So, we just have to go to that studio disguised as other animals and destroy his machine!”
“Don’t fergit, they’ve also seen a picture of us all,” Monty said. “Well, save for Gadget. Pinky there covered ‘er up pretty well...” Gadget giggled and blushed at Monty’s suggestion. “I’m sure it was just an accident.”
“That’s why I suggested disguises,” Dale said, for he loved wearing disguises. Chip caught on to Monty’s observation. “That’s right! They didn’t see Gadget, so she could go straight in. We’ll have to disguise ourselves though like you said, Dale. Okay, let’s get cracking! Rescue Rangers, away!”
A quick trip to the disguise box, and Dale stepped out dressed like Abraham Lincoln, including stovepipe hat and beard. “What do you think?” Monty shook his head as he searched for a disguise. “I hope we won’t run into anyone who knows us.”
Soon, the television studio was receiving deliveries from around the world. A room was set up for “Emperor Brain” to receive his tribute. Soon he was wearing a Brain-sized crown, covered in a royal robe and surrounded with mounds of precious metals and jewelry.
Brain admired himself in a human-sized hand mirror set up for him. “Finally, it’s happened, Pinky. I am leader of the world! Everyone’s paying homage to my brilliance!”
“Everyone’s paying your homepage?”
Brain snapped his fingers, and a human secretary with a notepad came over. “Make a note to start up a site on the internet next. Ah, here’s the cheeses from France! Are you pondering what I’m pondering, Pinky?”
“Yes, I think so, Brain. But how can Wakko burp for so long without feeling dizzy?”
Brain considered it. “I’ll make it my next priority to determine that. Go and check to see if the diamonds from South Africa have arrived.” Pinky wandered off to where the tribute was being brought in. “Okay humans, just put the sparkly stuff there.”
Outside the studio, a line of police cars and military vehicles had surrounded the building in a protective barrier. Gadget walked right up to them. Muldoon held up a hand. “Halt, mouse! No one gets in to see the Emperor without permission.”
“Yeah, especially someone that might be friends to those Rescue Rangers he told us about!” Kirby added. Gadget smiled innocently. “Well, I wouldn’t have come unless his assistant had wanted me to! I think I see him in the door over there. Yoo-hoo!”
Gadget waved to Pinky, who noticed her at once and froze. “It’s her!” Pinky ran up to Gadget. “Can I have your autograph?” Kirby was impressed. “Wow, she must be important for the assistant to the Emperor to want her autograph!”
Gadget seized the moment. “Sure, I’d be glad to give you an autograph! But first I’d like a tour of station first. I’ll need my bodyguards to come along. That’s okay, isn’t it Pinky-poo?” Pinky was melting in adulation. “Anything for you, Gadget!” Gadget’s “bodyguards” appeared from the nearby alley at her signal. Abe Lincoln, George Washington (with the cute nose), a rather rotund Ben Franklin and a very small version of Thomas Jefferson followed them in.
Pinky led them around the station, a pretty quick tour since he had no understanding of anything in the studio more complicated than the water fountain. Gadget gave Pinky her “soft” voice. “Pinky, I’d really like to see the device that the Brain is using to control the world. Would you show me where it is?” Pinky shook his head vigorously. “Oh, no! Brain would get very mad at me if I showed it to you. He’ll think you’re trying to destroy it so he can’t take over the world. Nope, nothing you could say or do would make me show you, no sir, no how!”
Gadget walked up to him and tickled his nose. “Please?” Pinky blushed. “I can’t, Gadget. Brain would get mad...”
At that moment, Brain decided to get up from his throne. “An Emperor shouldn’t have to fetch his own food, but Pinky’s probably lost in the bathroom again. I’d best go make sure he isn’t burning the building down or something.”
Gadget’s face formed a sad frown. “Then I guess Brain will win, and we’ll be out of business. Headquarters will have to shut down, the Rangers will all have to go their separate ways. The Rescue Rangers will be no more. And I’ll be very, very sad....” Gadget turned away, and covered her face.
Pinky put a hand on her shoulder, starting to cry. “Zort! Please don’t cry, Gadget! I’ll show you! I hate to see you cry, like in the Cola Cult episode! I cried for hours when you left the group! Come with me...” The others walked behind Pinky and Gadget as he led the way.
Monty elbowed Chip. “That’s my Gadget. Always got a way of explainin’ things. Now, we’ll haveta do some heavy-duty demolition...”
“Yeah, as long as Abe here doesn’t mind messing up his hat,” Chip said. Abe stuck his tongue out. “Watch it, George, or you’ll really need wooden teeth!”
Pinky showed them the device and as they were studying the best way to deactivate it, a thought occurred to Chip. “Pinky, you said you’d seen Gadget cry before? But how was that possible?”
“I loooove your show!” Pinky said. “‘Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers’ is on Toon Disney three times a day. I watch it every day! Oh, but don’t tell our sponsors.” Chip was flabbergasted. “Huh? Are you saying that in your world we’re on television?”
“Of course! Didn’t you know that?”
“No! We’re just a group of crime-fighters dedicated to helping the helpless. And in our world, you’re the ones who are on television!”
“I guess it’s sort of like when you guys found out Flash the Wonder Dog was just an actor and not a real superhero,” Pinky said.
“Yes, I suppose...hey! How did you know about us meeting Flash?”
“I saw the episode. I’ve seen every one! Does Ditz ever come by to visit! I wanna visit Fleeblebrox!”
Gadget looked down from the device. “I think I’ve got it figured out, Chip! All we have to do is disengage the primary power inputs where the electricity feeds into the added circuitry. That should overload it and keep him from using it again!”
Chip gave her a thumbs-up. “Good. Go for it, Gadget! We’ll get Brain and then you can figure out how to send them back home...and thank you, Gadget.” Gadget grinned. “You’re welcome, Chip. Glad to see you remembered.”
“But I’m not thanking you! Get down from there, you sabouteur!”
Dale spun around to find Brain behind him. “Ha! We got past your meager defenses, Brain. For I am not really Abraham Lincoln. I am Dale!” Brain ignored Dale’s bravado. “So Pinky, you betrayed me. I should have known better than to trust you. Still, I will not be daunted. I have one ace up my sleeve!”
Brain pulled out a dime-sized device from his sleeve, coincidentally enough. “This is a miniature ultrasonic bomb. If any of you tries to rush me, I will throw it onto the floor where its will render all of you helpless in two tenths of a second. Needless to say, I have my ultrasonic ear filters in place.”
Pinky got down in his knees, pleading. “Please, Brain, narf! Don’t! You did it! You took over the world! You don’t have to do anything else!” Brain smiled in triumph. “As the great Genghis Khan said, it is not enough that I triumph. My enemies must be made to suffer. And so you are suffering, Rangers. You’ve seen me achieve my greatest aspiration and you are the enemy of the entire human race! Speaking of which—guards!”
“Hey, rush him!” Dale said, charging forward. While he and the guys tried to thwart Brain, Gadget started trying to deactivate the bomb.
As Brain saw Gadget jump down from the device and kneel on the floor with the bomb, he suddenly forgot everything for he knew two things—one, that his bomb would be devastating to Gadget at that range. Two, that, like Pinky, he had a secret crush on her. Even as Monty made a grab for him, Brain rushed toward Gadget.
“No, don’t! You can’t deactivate it! Throw the bomb at the device!”
Gadget looked up and saw he was sincere. She threw it. The bomb landed on the device, and two seconds later the ultrasonic blast shattered the lenses on it, and knocked everyone out in the room. As they slowly regained consciousness...
“What...what happened here?” Stan Blather said, coming out of his trance. “I remember saying something about ‘Emperor Brain’...must have been a new cartoon special....” Dale helped Brain to his feet. “Okay, Brain. How about we call it a draw?”
Brain looked at the devastation. “Gone. All of it’s gone. All because of my moment of weakness. I suppose it’s for the best. I just don’t have the stomach to be the hard-nosed ruler the world needs.” Brain nodded to Dale. “I suppose. A draw is about all I deserve.”
Gadget smiled, realizing balance had been returned to the world. “Golly, this is such a wonderful ending!” Gadget hugged Brain, totally shocking him. “You…you hugged me! No one’s ever hugged me before. I...you...there’s something happening....”
The smallish, feeble heart that had been the Brain’s now grew to seven times the size of normal. “I...I feel good. I want to be good, to help others! Oh, thank you Gadget! You’ve restored my feelings and now I must begin a crusade to help humankind instead of rule it with an iron fist!”
“Now I see why Warner Brothers cancelled their show,” Chip said flatly.
Brain hugged Pinky, and Gadget hugged him too, pleasing Pinky no end. Brain put a hand on Pinky’s shoulder. “Come, Pinky! We must return to our own world and prepare for tomorrow night.”
“What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?”
“The same thing we’ll do from every night from now on, Pinky. Try to make the world a better place!” Pinky did his best imitation of Gadget. “Golly Brain, that sounds like fun, narf, poit, egad!”
Soon, everyone was back at Ranger Headquarters. Gadget transported Pinky and the Brain back to their world, where within the year the Brain would be hailed as the greatest help to humanity in history and made honorary ruler of the world.
“You know, it’s strange,” Gadget said. “I didn’t realize that cartoon characters could be real, or that we could be cartoon characters in another world.”
“Too right, Gadget-luv,” Monty said. “Maybe everyone’s a cartoon on some planet or other. It’d be roight strange to think that somewhere at this moment some young blokes might be seein’ us doing all this.”
Dale yawned, removing his Abe Lincoln hat. “Yeah, it’s really weird. The things we’re doing this very moment could just be the ramblings of a couple of writers late at night on their computers...our actions just random thoughts of people who think of us as nothing more than fictional characters...uh, maybe I should change the subject.”
“Come on, Dale,” Chip said. “We’d better get some rest. Tomorrow night’s coming.” Dale perked up at the sound of that. “Why, Chip? What are we going to do tomorrow night?” Chip’s eyes gleamed in fun. “The same thing we do every night, Dale. Try to get through your movie marathons without passing out!” Dale laughed, and the others joined in as the story began to iris out…
They’re dinky…they’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain…
Pinky and the Brain are copyright Warner Brothers and used without permission. The Rescue Rangers are copyright Disney and used without permission, but with the utmost respect.
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